Recently I had a cord cutting ceremony. I had to release energies from my life that were no longer in alignment with who I am today.
Destructive patterns, past lives and old emotions were friends that I have had around for a long, long time were going to be asked to leave or shift. They lived inside of me. They helped me make decisions based past experiences and created expectations based on previous emotions and patterns. They poked and prodded me. Caused me to live in my head and in fear. It was time for them to go. I was ready to strike out on my own. The advice I was receiving from these long time residents was no longer serving me and was in fact deterring me.
I had to do it quickly, before I decided that I could not live without them. Allowing them to stay would be saying that am not allowing change in my life.
With prayers of protection and love I cut the cords that were causing such chaos in my life. Former lovers, real and imagined, my mothers disapproval, mostly imagined, and feelings of being unloved and unlovable all came pouring out. I watched quietly as these energies drained from my body leaving me feeling empty and a little sad. But not as sad as I was before I set out to make these corrections in my life.
I sealed the places where the cords were no longer in my body and said prayers of love and release. As I completed the ceremony, I was crying. Tears of joy, tears of sadness, tears of relief and release.
As the weeks passed I ran a prayer constantly in my head to reinforce the changes and redirect the flow of destructive thought patterns toward more constructive patterns.
I'm sorry
please forgive me
I love you
Thank you
I'm sorry
please forgive me
I love you
Thank you
Prayers to myself.
I'm sorry I don't trust you
Please forgive me for not taking responsibility for my actions
I love you because you are creative, gifted and kind
Thank you
Prayers to others.
I'm sorry I hurt you
Please forgive me for moving forward in my live
I love you for the person you are and will always honor that
Thank you
Once I had started the prayer, it did not stop. It ran constantly in my head for several weeks. Occasionally it would slow down, only to start up again once a no longer desired thought pattern showed up. My life is changing. Not in big dramatic ways that change overnight, but in the subtle way that the ocean washes away at the land.
I woke up this morning and the prayer had stopped. It was no longer the first thing that popped up in my head. The destructive thought patterns did not pop up either. A feeling of peace and serenity is working it's way through me.
I'm not saying that I will never have another destructive thought again or practice self sabotage. I'm saying that a layer has been removed. I don't feel stuck. and I will know what to do when a new layer starts to surface.
Like the movement of the earth, wind, water and sun, we are ever changing.
Sunday, July 15, 2012
Friday, July 11, 2008
Dakota
We've had a houseful of pets.
At one time we had two turtles, two birds, two rabbits and two dogs. The rabbits and one bird have since crossed over, but this is a story about Dakota, our 135 pound four legged baby.
Our first child, Dakota came to us when he was six months old, probably weighing in at around 80 lbs and as tall as a small pony. A rottie mix, he is a magic dog. He has had past lives as a 12 year old boy and an old indian.
We were told to crate train him, so we bought the biggest crate we could find and crammed him in there. He broke out. We crammed him back in and put chains all around the crate. He broke out. Ok, we decided crates are not for you, you can have the whole kitchen. If we ever needed a nanny cam, these were the days.
Dakota would somehow take things off of the kitchen counters. I don't mean the stuff that was near the edges that he could reach with his teeth. I mean all the way in the back corners. We came home one day and he had climbed out of the bay window is about a foot tall and in the back of the kitchen behind the sink. The only way to do this was to fly. (Well, he does have space on his shoulder blades where his angel wings come out, but we have never actually seen him fly.) He tore our kitchen door apart and climbed over it to get to the rest of the house.
Ok, we decided maybe a whole house dog. Well, let's see, he ate our couch. He turned the on the gas on our stove, most likely with his paws, trying to cook something but decided to eat the chicken in the sink raw instead, after which, not being able to figure out how to turn off the gas, he hid in a back bedroom until I came home late that evening. Goddess is good. Nothing blew up.
We made it through puppyhood. We added a second rottie, a princess that we named Grace Diane. It took us three years to find her. Dakota was very picky in choosing his companion. We had our beautiful daughter a few years after that and were strongly encouraged to "get rid" of the dogs. Thankfully we did not. Olivia and the dogs love each other. Both are sweet gentle loving beings. They let Olivia climb all over them and barely lift a head.
Dakota has had two leg surgeries and both times during his recovery I would spend all night laying on the floor with him, talking to him and giving him reiki and holding his head and paws.
He likes to snuggle. He comes up and puts his paw or head in my lap when I am feeling sad. Likewise, when he is feeling sad, hurt or scared, he comes and puts his paw or head in my lap. He is a small ponied size, 135 pound, 4 legged healer.
Yesterday I slammed my finger in a drawer in the kitchen. I was screaming as silently as I could so as not to alarm Olivia. She just glanced over at me. Gracie was nowhere to be seen. But Dakota, the magic dog, got up and ran to my rescue. He tried to give me his paw,and put my hand gently in his mouth and I am sure was trying to ease my pain by sending back the love in the same manner in which I so often do with him. It worked. I felt better instantly.
Then he rolled over on his back for a belly rub. Which he got. :)
Blessed Be the animals.
At one time we had two turtles, two birds, two rabbits and two dogs. The rabbits and one bird have since crossed over, but this is a story about Dakota, our 135 pound four legged baby.
Our first child, Dakota came to us when he was six months old, probably weighing in at around 80 lbs and as tall as a small pony. A rottie mix, he is a magic dog. He has had past lives as a 12 year old boy and an old indian.
We were told to crate train him, so we bought the biggest crate we could find and crammed him in there. He broke out. We crammed him back in and put chains all around the crate. He broke out. Ok, we decided crates are not for you, you can have the whole kitchen. If we ever needed a nanny cam, these were the days.
Dakota would somehow take things off of the kitchen counters. I don't mean the stuff that was near the edges that he could reach with his teeth. I mean all the way in the back corners. We came home one day and he had climbed out of the bay window is about a foot tall and in the back of the kitchen behind the sink. The only way to do this was to fly. (Well, he does have space on his shoulder blades where his angel wings come out, but we have never actually seen him fly.) He tore our kitchen door apart and climbed over it to get to the rest of the house.
Ok, we decided maybe a whole house dog. Well, let's see, he ate our couch. He turned the on the gas on our stove, most likely with his paws, trying to cook something but decided to eat the chicken in the sink raw instead, after which, not being able to figure out how to turn off the gas, he hid in a back bedroom until I came home late that evening. Goddess is good. Nothing blew up.
We made it through puppyhood. We added a second rottie, a princess that we named Grace Diane. It took us three years to find her. Dakota was very picky in choosing his companion. We had our beautiful daughter a few years after that and were strongly encouraged to "get rid" of the dogs. Thankfully we did not. Olivia and the dogs love each other. Both are sweet gentle loving beings. They let Olivia climb all over them and barely lift a head.
Dakota has had two leg surgeries and both times during his recovery I would spend all night laying on the floor with him, talking to him and giving him reiki and holding his head and paws.
He likes to snuggle. He comes up and puts his paw or head in my lap when I am feeling sad. Likewise, when he is feeling sad, hurt or scared, he comes and puts his paw or head in my lap. He is a small ponied size, 135 pound, 4 legged healer.
Yesterday I slammed my finger in a drawer in the kitchen. I was screaming as silently as I could so as not to alarm Olivia. She just glanced over at me. Gracie was nowhere to be seen. But Dakota, the magic dog, got up and ran to my rescue. He tried to give me his paw,and put my hand gently in his mouth and I am sure was trying to ease my pain by sending back the love in the same manner in which I so often do with him. It worked. I felt better instantly.
Then he rolled over on his back for a belly rub. Which he got. :)
Blessed Be the animals.
Wednesday, July 2, 2008
Outline for Reiki Circle
Date: Friday July 11th
Time 7-10
3 tables/4 people per table
Share is limited to 12 people
7:00-7:15 people arrive
7:15-7:30 Opening meditation and short discussion
7:30-8:30 Reiki share/rotate people on the table every 1/2 hour
8:30-8:45 15 minute break/light snacks (almonds, etc.)
8:45-9:45 Reiki share/rotate people on the table every 1/2 hour
9:45-10:00 Grounding and closing meditation
Reiki Circle/Share is open to all people even if they have no previous Reiki experience. This offers the community a chance to experience this beautiful way of expressing universal love
Donation-sliding scale $10-$20
Tables: Paige, Jennifer? Jane?
Time 7-10
3 tables/4 people per table
Share is limited to 12 people
7:00-7:15 people arrive
7:15-7:30 Opening meditation and short discussion
7:30-8:30 Reiki share/rotate people on the table every 1/2 hour
8:30-8:45 15 minute break/light snacks (almonds, etc.)
8:45-9:45 Reiki share/rotate people on the table every 1/2 hour
9:45-10:00 Grounding and closing meditation
Reiki Circle/Share is open to all people even if they have no previous Reiki experience. This offers the community a chance to experience this beautiful way of expressing universal love
Donation-sliding scale $10-$20
Tables: Paige, Jennifer? Jane?
Tuesday, July 1, 2008
Best Friend
Olivia told me that I was her best friend today.
It made my heart sing and soar straight up into the sky.
It made my heart sing and soar straight up into the sky.
Thursday, June 12, 2008
Transition
I used to take a shower before I went to work, meaning having to get in my car, drive somewhere, do some boring and useless task, and bring home a paycheck. Now that I have been working from home for 2.5 months without a paycheck, I am just now coming the realization that I need to take a shower before starting my day. For months I was waiting to take a shower because there was nowhere that we needed to be. Now Olivia asks me where we are going when we clean up and get dressed. While I do believe that it is occasionally ok to hang around in your pj's, perhaps it should be a little less frequent.
Olivia loves to help. She loves to be with me, and I love for her to be with me. She likes to climb on me and pinch my elbows and sleep on top of me and gives me lots of hugs and kisses. She helps me cook, create a garden in the backyard, feeds the dogs, waters the plants, paints the kitchen table, poops on the bathroom floor, pees on the the living room floor, wipes her runny nose on my clothes and cuts her own hair. She takes all of her toys out of the bedroom and brings them into the living room. She likes to help fold clothes. Everytime we drive somewhere all of the babydolls need to be strapped in the car with a kiss on top of their heads. She is constantly testing her boundaries and I have to stay three steps ahead. I read somewhere that the annual salary for a stay at home mom should be around $117,000. Seems kind of low to me.
Nothing is done. I cannot complete a task. I cannot park her in front of the television and do my own thing, she won't even stay there! She turns it off by herself and comes to be with me. My house is trashed, my home business is falling behind, the dogs need to be brushed and walked and I am completely exhausted. I have about a thousand phone calls to make. I need to physically leave my house in order to get a break. An hour at starbucks with a book is heaven. By the way, did I mention that my husband works 60 hours a week outside the home? How did I do all of this and work offsite full time as well?
Olivia and I cannot sleep during the new moon, so that is about 4-5 days of constant energy, then there is the aftermath where both mama and baby are tired and cranky for about another week. It's a vicious circle.
The last two days have been particularly high energy. I keep trying to clean up and do work, but am drawn back to Olivia. I had a business meeting scheduled for 7:00 last night. I called my partner and asked her if we could meet in the bar. I know now why mothers drink a glass (or two) of wine every night. She ended up canceling. I drank wine at home.
I am learning how to make three meals a day and how to sit down with Olivia and eat these meals. The days of wandering around the house and eating whatever, whenever are ending as well. She loved veggies until she started preschool, then suddenly they weren't so cool anymore. How do I get veggies into this girl? Well, the entire family for that matter.
Like learning any new job, motherhood takes time, patience and a little magic.
I had a client come by yesterday at the height of the chaos. I tried to clean up quickly, but she was too fast getting here. The house was, well...Olivia had just done numbers on both the living room and bathroom floors and was brushing her teeth by herself, naked. The dogs were barking and my frustration level was through the roof. But I was laughing. I was smiling while telling my client (and friend) that I was in desperate need of a drink. Not able to take the intense high energy, she left quickly but first surrounded my house in love and white light. Everything calmed down. I lit some incense and played some calming music and made dinner. Olivia ate some.
She slept on top of me last night. I am still smiling this morning and everyday grateful for this beautiful smart child.
Everything will get done in it's own time.
We're going to the beach. :)
Blessed Be
Olivia loves to help. She loves to be with me, and I love for her to be with me. She likes to climb on me and pinch my elbows and sleep on top of me and gives me lots of hugs and kisses. She helps me cook, create a garden in the backyard, feeds the dogs, waters the plants, paints the kitchen table, poops on the bathroom floor, pees on the the living room floor, wipes her runny nose on my clothes and cuts her own hair. She takes all of her toys out of the bedroom and brings them into the living room. She likes to help fold clothes. Everytime we drive somewhere all of the babydolls need to be strapped in the car with a kiss on top of their heads. She is constantly testing her boundaries and I have to stay three steps ahead. I read somewhere that the annual salary for a stay at home mom should be around $117,000. Seems kind of low to me.
Nothing is done. I cannot complete a task. I cannot park her in front of the television and do my own thing, she won't even stay there! She turns it off by herself and comes to be with me. My house is trashed, my home business is falling behind, the dogs need to be brushed and walked and I am completely exhausted. I have about a thousand phone calls to make. I need to physically leave my house in order to get a break. An hour at starbucks with a book is heaven. By the way, did I mention that my husband works 60 hours a week outside the home? How did I do all of this and work offsite full time as well?
Olivia and I cannot sleep during the new moon, so that is about 4-5 days of constant energy, then there is the aftermath where both mama and baby are tired and cranky for about another week. It's a vicious circle.
The last two days have been particularly high energy. I keep trying to clean up and do work, but am drawn back to Olivia. I had a business meeting scheduled for 7:00 last night. I called my partner and asked her if we could meet in the bar. I know now why mothers drink a glass (or two) of wine every night. She ended up canceling. I drank wine at home.
I am learning how to make three meals a day and how to sit down with Olivia and eat these meals. The days of wandering around the house and eating whatever, whenever are ending as well. She loved veggies until she started preschool, then suddenly they weren't so cool anymore. How do I get veggies into this girl? Well, the entire family for that matter.
Like learning any new job, motherhood takes time, patience and a little magic.
I had a client come by yesterday at the height of the chaos. I tried to clean up quickly, but she was too fast getting here. The house was, well...Olivia had just done numbers on both the living room and bathroom floors and was brushing her teeth by herself, naked. The dogs were barking and my frustration level was through the roof. But I was laughing. I was smiling while telling my client (and friend) that I was in desperate need of a drink. Not able to take the intense high energy, she left quickly but first surrounded my house in love and white light. Everything calmed down. I lit some incense and played some calming music and made dinner. Olivia ate some.
She slept on top of me last night. I am still smiling this morning and everyday grateful for this beautiful smart child.
Everything will get done in it's own time.
We're going to the beach. :)
Blessed Be
Monday, June 2, 2008
Children's energy workshop
Time
3 hours
Cost 60.00?
Age Range 5-9??
Agenda:
Grounding and centering
1. Becoming a tree. :)
15 minute meditation led by Paige
grounding and centering. Walking with our roots in the ground
10 minute discussion on where and when this ground technique can be used led by Jane
Working with the energy around us.
Short discussion on what energy is
10 minutes
1. Feeling the energy in our hands (Energy Ball)
10 minutes
2. Feeling the energy in our tummys
10 minutes
3. Feeling our neighbors energy
10 minutes
Exploration and Explanation: to work alone or with Paige and Jane
25 minutes
1.5 hours
4. Working with food and break
discussion of energy and vibrations in food. Exercise in making food choices using your internal vibration and the foods vibrations
30 minutes
5. Medicine/nature walk?? Would be great if we can do this.
6. Crystals and rocks
Exploring, feeling handling crystals and rocks. Discussion of what vibrations children feel
20 minutes
7. Coloring and drawing-discussion
Jane-
30 minutes
Close
10 minutes
1.5 hours
3 hours
Cost 60.00?
Age Range 5-9??
Agenda:
Grounding and centering
1. Becoming a tree. :)
15 minute meditation led by Paige
grounding and centering. Walking with our roots in the ground
10 minute discussion on where and when this ground technique can be used led by Jane
Working with the energy around us.
Short discussion on what energy is
10 minutes
1. Feeling the energy in our hands (Energy Ball)
10 minutes
2. Feeling the energy in our tummys
10 minutes
3. Feeling our neighbors energy
10 minutes
Exploration and Explanation: to work alone or with Paige and Jane
25 minutes
1.5 hours
4. Working with food and break
discussion of energy and vibrations in food. Exercise in making food choices using your internal vibration and the foods vibrations
30 minutes
5. Medicine/nature walk?? Would be great if we can do this.
6. Crystals and rocks
Exploring, feeling handling crystals and rocks. Discussion of what vibrations children feel
20 minutes
7. Coloring and drawing-discussion
Jane-
30 minutes
Close
10 minutes
1.5 hours
Sunday, May 18, 2008
Spiders and Parasites and Wrong Turns, OH MY
I recently started working with a Lemurian seed crystal. This is a very powerful crystal. It makes my body throb with the vibration and sends me difficult messages in the dreamtime.
Dreams about spiders that want to jump on me and hold me down. Dreams about spiders that spin webs that bind me. Dreams about prehistoric parasites in my left hand with rows and rows of sharp pointy teeth, perhaps reminding me that I have the power to hurt as well as heal. This was not just one dream, but a series of them. I do not consider them to be the beautiful dreams about creativity that spiderwoman can bring, but dreams about conniving people or situations trying to hold me back. Perhaps it is my own self that is the spider and the parasite, afraid of my own power and my true potential.
Yesterday I came across a new stone, calcite, and worked with that one in the dreamtime. It is a soft and sweet honey yellow stone whose immediate message was "I will take you there". It made my left had throb as I held it. I had dreams of missed turns, taking a longer route than necessary, returning to places where I am not liked or wanted, driving into water and having to backpaddle out in order to make the correct turn. Can't ask for anything more clear than that.
All of this is clearing, cleansing, revealing my fears in such a way that I can release them and move forward in confidence. I will look more carefully at my options and make wise decisions. Perhaps the "seat of your pants" philosophy is not working any more. Waiting to see what someone else is doing or asking for advice or approval is no longer an option. Taking action for myself. This will set me further apart from the tribe, and perhaps that is where I am supposed to be.
The Shaman's tent is always a little beyond the tribal grounds.
Blessed Be
Dreams about spiders that want to jump on me and hold me down. Dreams about spiders that spin webs that bind me. Dreams about prehistoric parasites in my left hand with rows and rows of sharp pointy teeth, perhaps reminding me that I have the power to hurt as well as heal. This was not just one dream, but a series of them. I do not consider them to be the beautiful dreams about creativity that spiderwoman can bring, but dreams about conniving people or situations trying to hold me back. Perhaps it is my own self that is the spider and the parasite, afraid of my own power and my true potential.
Yesterday I came across a new stone, calcite, and worked with that one in the dreamtime. It is a soft and sweet honey yellow stone whose immediate message was "I will take you there". It made my left had throb as I held it. I had dreams of missed turns, taking a longer route than necessary, returning to places where I am not liked or wanted, driving into water and having to backpaddle out in order to make the correct turn. Can't ask for anything more clear than that.
All of this is clearing, cleansing, revealing my fears in such a way that I can release them and move forward in confidence. I will look more carefully at my options and make wise decisions. Perhaps the "seat of your pants" philosophy is not working any more. Waiting to see what someone else is doing or asking for advice or approval is no longer an option. Taking action for myself. This will set me further apart from the tribe, and perhaps that is where I am supposed to be.
The Shaman's tent is always a little beyond the tribal grounds.
Blessed Be
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